Five Ways On How To Actually Manage a Break-up With Someone You Love
Whether mutual and amicable or entirely out of the blue, breakups are tough, no matter how you slice it. Not only do breakups mean going from seeing the same person you loved (and perhaps still do) every day to not at all, but they tend to bring up many unhelpful thoughts that we now have way more free time to ruminate and dwell on. So, what about a breakup in 2020? Not only are you now missing the person that likely kept you worry-free and grounded, but also kept you company at a time when it feels like there is not much else to do. How do you move forward from a breakup this year when you already felt like getting through just the "this year" part was tough enough as is?
Managing a breakup in 2020 may feel impossible now, but rest assured it is not. This might be one of the most critical and beneficial times of your life to get centered with yourself and set yourself up for an even brighter future, even if it does not quite feel that way right now. Some day the sun will shine again, but if you need some guidance as you draw open that curtain little by little, we have got you covered. Here are five practical ways to get through a breakup in 2020:
Embrace alone time
Sometimes it is hard to notice how much you have changed and grown as an individual when you're part of a relationship. Embracing this alone time as an opportunity to reflect is essential to acknowledge just how far you've come in life, regardless of your previous partner. On the other hand, there is also a lot that you still don't know, too. You may have some underlying issues or areas for growth that you brushed under the rug, subconsciously or not, while in your relationship. It's possible and likely that some of this will come up for you when nobody is right by your side or backing you up, making you feel like you're content or have everything under control. But now you're in a powerful place to question how much of that happiness was external, as well as decide for yourself what truly makes you feel good. What could be better than some alone time to help discover something so important? It is important because what you learn now you will carry with you forever. The sooner you know how to create happiness within, the more enjoyable the rest of your entire life will be. And while we're not exactly encouraging new relationships just yet, you can more easily attract the right person for you when you are true to yourself and know who you are.
So, while all of the following tips are in some way connected to alone time, just the act of acknowledging and embracing that you are alone is an important one. There is no need to attach sad thoughts or emotions to it either; say to yourself, I am alone right now, and that is okay. Take advantage of this time, take time to feel your emotions, and know that it will not last forever.
Exercise
Breakups take a toll on emotional wellbeing. Stress can come out of nowhere and arise from just about any unhelpful thought. For instance, you may get stuck questioning, where did things go wrong? Was there something wrong about us this whole time? Is there something wrong with me? There are common post-breakup questions that seem to take over the mind and know no bounds, and they elevate cortisol levels in the body and cause harmful amounts of stress. Not to mention any ongoing stress, mainly due to COVID, that you may be experiencing already. A breakup can cause a spike in anxiety levels as you undoubtedly experience a spike in your mind's number of questions, as well. Not only have you likely been worrying whether or not you will have a job once all of this is over, or if your family will all end up okay, but now you're even more anxious about wanting all of this to be over, as you question if you will even be able to meet somebody new once you're ready.
Well, luckily, the mind and body are more interconnected than we may realize at times. If you feel like your mental state right now is a bit out of your control, know that you are not alone. But also know that there is a lot you can do to take care of your physical body to start feeling better all around. Incorporating exercise into your day-to-day post-breakup will help you start feeling happier, more in control of your emotions, and more like yourself again.
Exercise is a huge stress-reliever. Just getting your heart rate up for at least 20 to 30 minutes a day will boost feelings of happiness and calm, thanks to the release of endorphins in the nervous system and brain. Not just that, but exercise gives us a sense of confidence and makes us feel immediately stronger than we started.
Exercise also helps promote better sleep, which is critical at a time like this. Getting at least seven hours of sleep each night will help you better manage your emotions and stress.
Embrace self-care
From reading a book to taking a bubble bath, or even a book in the bubble bath, there are so many things you can do in the realm of self-care. Self-care is just about doing what is in your best interest, even if it changes daily.
If there is one thing that COVID has made nearly impossible this year, it is achieving the comfort and oxytocin ("the love hormone") that comes from human touch. Now it feels like the one person you could receive that from is gone, coupled with the worry that you will never have that feeling of safety and validation again.
Self-massage is a great way to soothe your body and mind through touch and is such an easy thing to do when you're sitting on the couch or lying in bed. Blend a favorite or calming essential oil in some unscented lotion and give yourself a hand or foot massage.
Limit social media use
You might find that you’re a little more social media-obsessed in 2020, and it's great that you've found ways to connect with people and stay up-to-date on their lives; but, there is one status you should not be staying up-to-date on, and that is your ex's. Not only will seeing them and following what they are up to bring up a mix of emotions that will thwart your breakup progress, but they might post things or behave in a way that hurts you because they are probably hurting too.
There is one other primary reason you will want to be more mindful of your social media use after a breakup, and it's so you can take a break from comparing your life to someone else's. If there is one thing that ever hindered anyone's progress to feeling happier, breakup, or no breakup, it's obsessing over all the good parts of other people's lives. And we say good because that is what most people choose to show. Sometimes all this does is take away from noticing the good in your own life. So, do yourself a big favor, please, and find more authentic ways to connect with friends and loved ones through video chats, texts, and phone calls. Choosing to check in with them as opposed to tracking their public statuses and photos will not only nurture relationships that you need in your life right now, it will help you both relieve some of the stress of this year by talking things through.
Rearrange and refresh
This might feel like the worst point in your life right now, but breakups can actually be pretty exciting once you wrap your head around the idea. They are a chance to start fresh, and you can start wherever you want. You don't have to change anything about how you are to feel better, but you can spruce up your environment to help you think clearly and heal in a space that you love.
Take some time to go through your things now and identify anything that belongs to your ex so you won't have to cross that bridge later. If you are on friendly terms, consider starting a bag for them on the condition that you'll be dropping it off or leaving it out for them, without stopping to communicate. Otherwise, donate what is useful and trash the rest.
Taking time to clean up your place, organize, declutter, and revamp your closet can help you embrace new energy, inside and out.
Do not hold on to any items in your closet that you feel no longer belong, because the only thing you should hold on to at this time in your life is the concept that change is inevitable. No matter how you look at it, your breakup was a change that was ultimately out of your control, because for one reason or another, it needed to be done. But a change in scenery will remind you that while you might be hurting now, someday the pain will be gone. By starting with what is on the outside, you are silently saying to yourself, this next chapter is about me, and it is the most important one.